Effective communication is an important tool that allows us to understand, and be understood by, others. But sometimes there is a breakdown in our understanding of each other and our communication is rendered ineffective. So how can you avoid this kind of situation when you are dealing with other people?

The following ideas set the stage for effective communication in all of your relationships.

First, I will start with the ways you shut someone else down with your communication. These are the things you must NEVER do:

• NEVER criticize, put down or make light of someone’s physical flaws or something they said or did, even when that person is not present. Gossip is a black magic that energetically destroys the one who does the gossiping; however, speaking of the goodness of others brings light and peace.
• NEVER be rude to someone in front of others, causing them public humiliation.
• NEVER be unwilling to admit your own mistakes or consider the way you may have offended another. Instead, tune into what the other person is really communicating about their feelings and seek to heal what you may have created. In doing so, you’re taking responsibility for your part of the problem.

Here are some effective ways to help a person let down their guard and engage in open, honest communication:

• Speak genuinely kind words and validate their opinion.
• Listen with an open mind and open heart.
• Feel the energy in motion behind their communication.
• Spend adequate time sharing and listening.
• Give appropriate loving touches and open body position. Closed body position is with arms crossed, head tipped back, legs crossed, or back turned.

Now let’s discuss how to reconnect through the art of conversation. If you feel that you have a relationship that has been damaged and you know deep down that it needs to mend… keep reading. I’d like to share a powerful method for patching up hurt feelings and friendships that have shut down—even the ones you believe would be painful to reestablish again. I call this the Reconnection Conversation.

And here are the directions which can be either spoken or written. But to do this, you must first genuinely experience concern and a desire to feel peace again between you. Put aside the need to be right about anything and focus only on your goal to create an open communication and eventually a healed relationship. Here are the key phrases to guide your discussion or letter:

1. Would you be willing to talk with me about our relationship? Honor them if they are not ready.
2. I feel a distance in our relationship and I value you as a friend. Wait for their response.
3. I’d like to know how you view our relationship. Now is the time to shut your mouth and listen. DO NOT justify, blame, or make any excuses, as this puts up another wall and they will not feel your willingness to be accountable for your part in the problem.
4. The ways I have contributed to this are… This is a perfect time to demonstrate accountability. This powerful step opens the door to compassion and healing in their heart.
5. Would you be open to creating a new beginning in our relationship? Once again, honor their present situation. They may still need time to heal.
6. What I am committed to create for our relationship is… Only promise what you intend to fulfill.

Your goal is to use these phrases to help mend a broken relationship. In doing so, you’ll demonstrate a genuine desire to get back on the road to a healthy relationship. And you gently invite the same from the other person. It really works!